on writing

I am reading a book about writing and the creative process. Its a book for book club recommended highly, but its not my usual cup of tea. However, I am fascinated by the discussions on writing, writers block, 'tricks' to use for ideas and storytelling. It is darn fascinating to peer into the mind of someone who has had several books published to try to see how they do it; to peek into that creative well and see the spring of ideas. At one point the fictional author of the story gets hate mail from a reader, and rather than identifying with the abused author, I can see the point of the hate-mail writer: "your books are insipid; you don't deserve to be published" because that is exactly how I feel about some authors! And I had to realize that it is not so much a commentary about the author, (who obviously has a devoted following or they wouldn't get their books published), as it is about the inadequacy of the hate-mail writer: about their fears as a writer, about their inability to do something similar or better, about their lack of audience. I can relate to all of that. At least with a blog, you can write about anything, and not get a whole lot of hurtful feedback (unless and until you get famous), but rarely can you get paid for it either. And I don't presume to have an audience of any more than twelve.
I have thought to myself "I can write a better story than..." this person or that author - fill in your own blank. But then I have to ask myself, "If I am so sure I can, why don't I? Why don't I try?" Why indeed? Because I am better at critiquing what is wrong with a story and even providing a better direction for it to go. But I am much worse at coming up with my own story all on my own with unique characters, development, and interesting plot twists, and reasonable dialogue. "Alex Cross wouldn't have said that, he would have done this", I find myself saying, particularly reading 7thHeaven, but it does me no good, because I can't write a different ending for this already published story.
As for this current read, I don't identify with the main character well at all. If she were a real person, I would avoid her, because she would drive me crazy. So it is hard to read this book because I want to reach in and slap this woman, give her advice, shake her up, and I can't. And yet, I can't stop reading it either, because I think there is an interesting plot buried in there, because I want to know what happens! Isn't that every author's goal - to get their audience to turn the page because they want to know what happens next?
Also, it is fascinating to suppose that a popular author has doubts, fears, blocks or his or her own. That they don't want to reveal too much of themselves in a story, and yet they can hardly help themselves. Authors are exhibitionists, whether they admit it or not. And just because an author is published does not make them very good at either speaking (like at book readings) or at teaching (as in seminars and workshops) because those are different skills! And yet, that is what modern authors are expected to do.
I have been slowly reading a 'how-to' on story writing that i downloaded as a free e-book. It is actually quite helpful. It has a lot of nuts and bolts advice on thinking about your story from a planning perspective. Its very logical and straightforward. And I cannot help to wonder if that is NOT the way it is done by most popular fiction writers. That instead, they get inspired by one little bit of trivia, and then go off and tell a whole story about it. That some of their best work comes from creative exercises like "fit a fedora and a butterfly wing in the same short story".
I guess the truth must out - I would love to write a fictional novel, and I want it to be good - engaging, interesting, helpful, insightful. I have a good idea...I just need to bring it out.