Saturday, March 15, 2014
Words are funny, especially the way people use them. Why does Worker Compensation only apply to paying the bills when you get hurt doing your job, but Employee Compensation refers to the salary and benefits, especially when hiring and firing? I was thinking about the fact that my house is cluttered, my yard is full of leaves, and whether either of those things is a indicator of depression. And I still think the answer is "no" because, while those two facts are completely true, I choose to do other things rather than attend to them. Why? Because I am not appropriately compensated for the work that either requires. If I were paid to rake someone else's leaves, I would get minimum wage. $7.50 and hour! How much do you think I get for raking my own? Is it any wonder why I don't get right on it? I know that there is more than money involved...I could get personal satisfaction, house-pride, compliments from family and neighbors as payment. They don't pay very well, in my opinion - I simply don't give a shit. I could also get removal of negative stimuli as payment, such as: not getting nagged by neighbors (Bea, you bitch!), not getting code-enforcement called on me, not getting child-protective-services called on me, not getting nagged by family. I have to say, those payments are harder to ignore, and they tend to work on me. But it does NOT make me a happy employee. I do wish people would shit in their own back yard, and leave me alone. HAR! Leaf me alone! And, if I were making my full salary snd benefits at my old job, and DH was fully employed, you can bet your biscuits that I would hire someone to do this shit work for me, and pay them minimum wage. I am not a freak. I am not a moron. I just know whether I am getting paid in some way or not for all the jobs I do. And a lot of jobs I do right now do not pay well. And I don't do the jobs that don't pay at all. That just means I am smart. And I don't Should on myself. Don't Sh-d yourself, people, set yourselves free! Pay yourself appropriately.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Dear Bri Bri, First, I want to thank you for believing in me and my reindeer and North Pole home for your whole life. Not everyone believes, and some of your friends may have thrown doubt on you like clods of dirt. Belief is so very important for it is the basis for the truth of Christmas. I do not write this letter to every good girl and boy, and, of course, I do not bother with the naughty ones. Now that you are ten years old, it is time for you to understand more about me and my reasons for doing what I do. No! This is not a letter to tell you it is all false. On the contrary, I am as real as ever, and I am needed more than ever. The truth is is this: I cannot do this job by myself with only a few toy-making elves. I have millions of elves! Millions! But they are not what you think. My elves are everyday people you see. They are teachers, grocery store clerks, bankers, and grandparents. They are older cousins, pastors, girl scout leaders, and McDonald's employees. They are all around you, and every child. Of course I have recruited parents, too! They are the ones that "see you when you're sleeping and know when you're awake." They tell me more exactly what you want for Christmas, and usually it is not something I can make in my simple workshop. So I authorize them to shop for me, and of course they leave the gift, drink the milk and eat the cookies left for me. You understand why this has to be so? There are so many children. But each one is important. Each belief is important. My elves are important. Would you please let me recruit you? Will you be one of my elves? Here are some of the duties of my elves: First, that you do not reveal this truth to anyone under the age of ten. It is at this age that a person understands numbers, starts doing the math, and figures out that the old story is perhaps improbable, even impossible. Second, that you keep quiet about your role as an elf. It takes away from the belief and the goodness to brag about how you are "helping." The very best elves tell no one about their good deeds, and leave it a mystery. Third, well, of course, we come to the good deeds. It is up to you! Some elves buy gifts for others and say it is from me. Some elves help the young children make good choices. Some elves keep a nice and naughty list in their heads and try to reward the nice, and even tattle on the naughty, so that they get corrected. Some elves keep the belief alive by telling the old story with such enthusiasm that it would melt the heart of the worst "Scrooge." Some elves help by donating money. Some elves help by donating hugs and encouragement. It is your choice. I believe you will help me, or I wouldn't have written this letter. And so, I leave you with one last gift from me, and my forever thanks. With much love, Santa
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
I have had this hobby of reading trail journals and autobiographies and such by hikers of long-distance trails, such as the AT. My hobby started when I read a magazine article in a brand new publication, "Women's Sports + Fitness" which later morphed into Women's Sports Illustrated briefly, before dying from lack of interest. I was fascinated by the kind of girl who would willingly go out into the woods for months at a time, living in a tent, and walking, sleeping, and living in the rain. (It was a particularly rainy year on her AT hike). In spite of some really miserable moments, well, days, actually, it sounded really interesting, fun, challenging, and rewarding to me. I have since done some hiking, done some backpacking, and read much more about and from other backpackers. I think I want to do 'it' some day, but realistically not now. But I wonder if I'm tough enough... You see, I just finished reading Wild by Cheryl Strayed, and was astounded by several things: 1. the misery she put herself through and endured day after day from an overloaded pack and poorly fitting boots and the subsequent blisters and wounds they created. 2. the rewards she enjoyed from beautiful views, to closure with her family's dissolution, to strength she never imagined she would have acquired and 3. her incredibly clear, eloquent, and deep writing style that expressed better than ANY other person's accounts the WHY a person would do this, and what they get out of it. I only wish she didn't feel the need to aver its absolute truth in the beginning of the book...its like a kiss of death...the more one insists that it is true, the further from the truth it is likely to be. Of course its true, and its TRUE to her, but its also immaterial. If it is really true, the truth will shine out of its pages into the reader's soul and ring with the truth that is already there. There is no need to insist. But enough about that. WHY do people do these pilgrimages, despite the difficulty? Why do more than 2000, 3500, higher? people start a long trail EACH YEAR in the US? why do some people do it over and over? And there are so many reasons, and they are all complicated, and some are intertwined with personality. Not everyone is cut out to be a distance hiker. There are some who suffer season-ending injury, and some cannot finish due to other demands on their time, money or presence, so there is a certain amount of luck involved. Most starters just plain quit from sheer difficulty, they do not have a willingness to undergo some pain and deprivation that result in a clarity and pleasure that cannot be achieved otherwise. Plus, you have to like the woods, and walking in it, at least a little bit. I think of woods-walking as a pleasure for most people, but my dear daughter and dear mother have disabused me of that notion. Neither 'like' walking much and they don't care whether its trail or street. For many, the rewards just don't materialize or are not perceived as outweighing the hardships. I guess the next question is: what is the tipping point for someone? I think it is primarily a perception for each individual. What does one perceive a overwhelming and what does one perceive as worthwhile? For me, it would be the rain. If I had to live too much in the rain, it would get to me, and undermine me. For Cheryl Strayed, it was a combination of physical pain and loneliness. She was just about to quit when she met someone else. This person praised her efforts, showed continued enthusiasm for the hike, embodied the bravery of continuing, and was someone to talk to. Distance hiking can be a very polarizing event. Either you have done it or you haven't, and those who haven't done it, haven't imagined it, or wouldn't do it just don't "get" those who do. So it is very difficult to explain yourself (smelly, dirty with a well worn backpack, out on the trail) to those you meet. Plus, while there are a lot more distance hikers than there were 15 years ago, there are still relatively few, and sometimes, they just need conversation with those who can relate to them. It is very lonely to backpack, even with a partner or group, even on a busy trail, because no one else is you going through what you are going through, and no one else is doing it for you. Another distance hiker, Jennifer Hanson, pretty much never met another hiker on the CDT when she hiked. Now that is loneliness! But that wasn't her tipping point, for she didn't perceive that a lack of hiking and talking partners was a bad thing at all. Her tipping point came close with family demands, but she was a very determined hiker. Too bad she couldn't write well (reading her memoir was a hardship!). So I wonder if I could push past my tipping points. I wonder if I could express myself half as well, explain why I want to do it, explain why I pushed on, or why I quit. I want to test my limits. I wonder if I want the full experience.