Friday, November 6, 2009
I am feeling old
Something about today was making me feel old. Most days, I don't feel that way. Sure, I don't feel young, but I don't usually feel as middle aged as I am. Today, however, wearing my old-lady looking shoes that are very comfortable, shopping for crafts, feeling my back hurt. One of my aunts is visiting my mom as I am this weekend, and she is doing well having had a knee replacement just two months ago. I know my mom will have to undergo another one soon, so I cannot help but think that it will be very likely for me since my knees are my weak link. My other aunt just had surgery to remove colon cancer. She is only 53, so it is quite a shock. We are waiting on the lab reports to know what stage it is and the prognosis. Of course, I wonder if that is my fate in a few decades. Or the fate of more people I am close to. I know it is morbid to think this way, but even halloween skeletons make me think about being a skeleton before too long. I also know it is useless to worry about it, the only thing I can do is stay positive and involved in life, trying to be me at my best.
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Rebecca, I hope your Aunts are feeling much better and that you all receive good news about the cancer. That is frightening. Some days I feel really old too, and the realization that we are on the second half of our lives (even if we live to be 80!) is sobering! Have you noticed how our definition of old changes as we go through each decade? 30 used to be old, then it was 40. Now, while 50 still seem surly to be pretty old, it is so cloooooose!
ReplyDeleteWe have just got to appreciate what we have each and every day! I'll admit though, Halloween kind of does it for me too, reminding me of mortality. And getting up off the floor after playing Play Doh makes me feel oh-so-old as well. So does the fact that after three joyful days of doing the "biking feature" on the WII fit (you get to run with cats) I had to stop because my ankles were killing me.
We are so much wiser now though. Right?
Since my dad died last January, I think about mortality all the time. I mean ALL THE TIME. I just don't talk about it much because it depresses people. I think it's a fairly normal reaction to seeing a family member become very ill or die though. I think knowing winter is coming makes me feel a little old each year too. I used to really look forward to the snow, and being out in the cold didn't bother me. Not anymore! I was just having my annual thought that I should ask for some wrinkle cream and makeup for Christmas. Also, if I do inherit all the medical problems of my family in a decade or two, I'm going to make it a point to have something else to talk about. I come from a big family of people who will tie you up with 20 minutes of medical problem talk as soon as they get you in the door. I understand the urge to talk about it (like I did with pregnancy related stuff), but man! There's more to life even if you do have things going on with your body.
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